Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
