dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
