dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you never un-have a 4some
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize