Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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