Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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