he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
