it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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