Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
