You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize