dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize