If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
