When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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