It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
