Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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