the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
