We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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