yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
