I'm really into asian looking animals
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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