whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
