Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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