Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
