Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
