Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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