Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
