Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
