mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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