do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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