this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
