tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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