I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
