Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
