She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Randomize
