you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
