We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
