Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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