I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
