ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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