just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
