Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we made out on top of his cat.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
