It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
