Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
