I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
