if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize