Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
