see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
