we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
