K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize