i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
