Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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