I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize