did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
