this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
