Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
