i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
