I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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