Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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