theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize