Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
