Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
