Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize