dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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