i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he thought i was a dude.
i love accidental penises.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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