wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
