tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
