your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
