It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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