My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
