Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
