I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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