Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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