apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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