Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
