Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
