So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
