just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize