Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
