Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
