Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
