Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
