why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize