Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
