how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
