We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize