We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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