My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
