you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
