I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
