Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
